The real reason, of course, is that I was busy taking in culture and shit at the Edinburgh festival, so here are the reviews you’ve all been waiting for…

Best Comedian: Hans Teeuwen – Dutch chap, certifiably bonkers…highlights of his set included his various musical interludes (his renditions of “i like your cunt” and “Dr. Hemington” brought tears to my eyes).  To sum him up in his own words, he was like “the nudist, with a hard on and a heart of gold”

Not to everybodies tastes.  The only thing that could have improved the set was if i was stoned whilst watching it (which sadly i wasn’t).  perhaps next time.

Best overall performance: Camille O’Sullivan – The talk of the festival “Ohhh Dahhhling, have you seen Camille yet? oh you simply must, she’s faaaaabulous”

So we did, upon the recommendation of these festival types and it was fucking worth it.  A bit of a sombre opening number (turned out she was actually a singer) but then into some swing all the while looking Dita Von Teese mixed with Andrea Corr.  Wholesome loveliness with a hint of fierce kittykat…meeeeowww.  Highlights of her set (for me) were the two Bowie numbers she covered (and did a good job of).  Definitely worth the high price, the massive queue, and the hype.  Had the crowd (me included) in the palm of her hand.

Edinburgh in general was fucking brilliant – great atmosphere, bars/pubs open until 6 am…definitely a permanent fixture in my annual razzing diary.

In other news i have been struck down with swine flu, so here’s a review of that…

Swine flu is basically like a mierce cough with hot/cold flushes.  Sorry to shatter any glamourous allusions that you might have about this most fashionable of maladies.  It doesn’t knock you out. It’s mildly unpleasant so i guess you wouldn’t want to willfully pass it on to others, but quite simply, its like your regular garden variety cold.  I have had it for 2 days now and expect to be back in action tomorrow.

Thats all for now,

Peace.

After long day working in NW8 i needed a casual pint and headed towards central – after a quick pint or 2 in The Social (Great Portland St. – Very cool, great jukebox) we strolled down to London’s best blues bar.  Friendly people, dancing on tables, hot friendly chicks…If you like good live music and want to hook up and go home with a new friend this place is great…

Scores on the doors:

Venue: 8 – Cosy, chicks constantly brushing past, so the opportunity for a casual grope is always there

Women: 8 – good ratios, a better class of female than you would find in so-called swanky bars.  No golddiggas

Music: 9 – Live blues bands every night playing all the classics, as well as some of their own stuff.  Great for dancing (on tables)

Overall a solid 8 out of 10…Great place to take a chick if you want something different and i guarantee she’ll be impressed. If not then she’s obviously not worth knowing anyway.

Unfortunately, the place is a toilet.  Not in the literal sense, but it is pretty awful.  It tries hard to be the club of the future (if the future is like a noisier version of the 80s).  Bright neon lights, nowhere to sit down aside from the tables which are rented out by shocking nouveau riche types in an effort to alpha male those that don’t the feel the need to cement our social position by spending thousands on a seat in an average club.

The decor is best summed up in terms used by the inimatble JG, who said it reminded him of Walkabout in Leeds.  A damning indictment.

So here are the scores (out of a possible 10):

Venue:  3 – small, too loud, nowhere to sit.  Redeeming features: Nice toilets…
Women:  4 – Not many, mostly young and common.
DJ/Music: 5 – Not actually that appalling.

Overall: 4 out of 10 – “Like Walkabout in Leeds” sums it up nicely.  Not the worst club in the world, but there are plenty better for the same money.  It also makes me sick when women get in free and chaps have to pay 20 quid…crooks.

It will include snacks, films, books, nightclubs and bars, women, anything I’ve experienced as and when it happens…

Stay tuned for regular updates…